Go The Calculated Crazy

thefrenemy:

Do you feel antsy yet? Can you feel yourself getting older? Are you where you thought you would be?

I know the change real well and it starts to happen around 24. People go “quarter-life” and you feel almost nothing but “yeah, yeah, whatever” and “well, at least it’s not the word millenial” and then you start feeling different. Different meaning smarter, more stable, and deeply, deeply, philosophically panicked. I’m talking the real sweat. I’m talking the whole “I’ve finally realized I’m alive” and the whole “I’ve finally realized I die” and then, the desire to make use of that time in the best way you can.

When I was 21, all I wanted to do was grip onto the cliff and hold on for dear life. All I wanted was the basics: food, air, some solid ground. I’d take any hand that reached out for me. Shitty job, small apartment, tiny paycheck, toes in the water, feeling it all out. Your basic survival story. My Boy Scout badge grew with each small accomplishment: Cool it, mom! I can pay my bills now! I pay em every month! I remember to buy shampoo! I’m just your standard Errand Runner, looking to get home in time to make dinner.

At [21, 22, 23] I was learning how to be a real and functioning human being. I was learning how to balance a fucking checkbook, to stretch out a dollar, to keep my electric and gas running. I was learning how to budget and what to do with brussels sprouts and finding out how I wanted to love and how I wanted to have sex and laundry settings. I was finally throwing out old mascara but still wearing my college clothing. I worked hard to stay alive, to keep my head above the water, to buy a cold beer and feel full in a ratty t-shirt. I was searching to balance fear and contentment with just a little splash of secure.

Honestly, I didn’t ask for much. Nobody expects you to go forth confidently to your dreams at 22, no matter what they say at graduation.

Then, at 25, I found myself no longer at the edge. This surprised me, because I had been doing it for so long, but I guess I had used my body weight to hoist myself up onto steady ground. I’m alive.

It’s not perfect: I’m not rich, I’m still struggling to pay bills, and I could fall back to the edge at any moment, but I’ve relaxed a bit— fell into the rhythm of a frantic heartbeat and the uknown. I know that if I lose my apartment, I can find another one. I know to save money in case if I lose my job. I budget. I even treat myself, sometimes.

But all that relative, minute sense of safety does is make me hungry for more. I stay up late at night, wondering if I am doing my life right. Am I going to regret this? What am I missing out on? And of course, that elusive asshole of a question:

Now what?

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te-resh-ka:

If you don’t think Beverly joined a roller derby team under the name Bone Crusher I have nothing to say to you goodbye

Okay, I’m not a huge Harry Potter fandom person anymore, but

BUT

a long time ago @ticklefighting and I were talking about post-Battle of Hogwarts Hogwarts, like the next generation in, after Harry and co. move on to whatever their adult lives are going to be. Specifically, about Draco Malfoy.

Draco, you know, he’s doing okay for himself for a while there.  Gets married, goes off doing magic evil rich person things.  I imagine that mostly involves eating dragons’ eggs and harassing Muggles and counting your wizard gold.  

And then he gets divorced and ends up living in what amounts to his mom’s basement (which, to be fair, is like the entire west wing of the mansion, but whatever. It’s still pathetic).

Lucius is still around, but I imagine him being super traumatized after Voldemort-related events and just puttering around the wizard equivalent of the garage for the entirety of the story. He never shows up.  He is basically Mrs. Columbo.

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He’s a ghost.

"Well, lads. You’ve discovered a species hitherto unknown to science, quite possibly non-terrestrial in origin, and you kicked its fuckin’ head in!

fandom thoughts

fozmeadows:

therisingtithes:

fozmeadows:

So, here’s a thought:

The types of fandom that are most often considered traditional and acceptable, and which are often either male-dominated or coded as masculine, tend to be acquisitive, whether in terms of knowledge (obscure trivia) or merchandise (collectibles). Whereas, by contrast, the types of fandom most often considered insincere, non-serious or “unreal”, and which are often either female-dominated or coded as feminine, tend to be creative, such as making costumes, writing fanfic and drawing fanart

Which is arguably an interesting expression of gender dynamics within fandom, in the sense of being a direct response to gender representation within the canon of particular franchises: namely, that because men, and particularly straight white cismen, are so ubiquitous within popular narrative(s), they have less need to create personal fan interpretations in order to see themselves represented, or to correct/ameliorate stereotypical portrayals; whereas women - and, indeed, members of any other group likely to suffer from poor representation - do.

Which isn’t to say that it’s impossible to be both an acquisitive and a creative fan - not by any stretch of the imagination. Nor am I trying to say that the only reason someone might be an acquisitive fan is because they’re complacent about issues of bias and representation, or that the only reason someone might be a creative fan is because they want to address an issue in the canon. Some people like to collect, some like to make, and some like both, or neither. It’s fine! But I do think that, when it comes to conversations about Fake Geek Girls and what being a “real fan” means - conversations which tend to be strongly gendered - the split between acquisition/creation tends to follow gender lines, too: that guys who know All The Facts and buy All The Merch are the REAL fans, whereas girls who just dress up and tell silly headcanon stories aren’t, and that maybe, there’s an interesting reason for why this might be. 

[bolded for emphasis]

This is interesting. Especially because an extrapolation from that is that the ‘orthodox’, ‘traditional’ mode of interacting with a work - knowing, staying close to the first interpretation, valuing the refusal to budge from those first interpretations over being inclusive and fluid - is therefore masculine-coded, but it’s feminine-coded to be canonically fluid, intensely metacritical, artistically motivated, and to encourage creative deconstruction and reconstruction

Where 'MascFandom' is a kind of Canon Literalism, 'FemFandom' by comparison is Canon Exegesis

Which is probably a sliver of the backlash that grows into the Fake Geek Girl conversation - that people think the ‘text’ of their fandom ‘faith’ shouldn’t be tampered with or recontextualized, whereas other people insist that it has to evolve to meet the needs of the people who it serves? 

I’m not sure how it accommodates for works like Welcome to Night Vale (a really good place, I think to discuss fandoms and their interactions with media), where the literalism of its canon is the establishment that blanks are required to be filled in by the audience. Fan-created artwork of any type, arguably, is as valuable a ‘history’ of Night Vale as Cecil’s radio show, because so many details are up in the air anyway, and have to be informed by the information you do still have (e.g. nothing says Cecil can’t be a blob, so what would it mean if he were a blob?).

This is absolutely fascinating to me now, and will surely make up a large part of actual notes I have about what I can now call ‘exegetical fandom theory’ and how people interact with and alter media.

Reblogging for commentary, and because the divide between literalism/exegesis is another fascinating lens through which to examine both fandom generally, and its gender dynamics. 

ticklefighting:

If you don’t think Voyager is one of the greatest achievements of mankind, you’re wrong. Dead wrong. But you don’t have to take my word for it [x].